i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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