What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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