Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
