i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
