I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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