I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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