Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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