So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
