Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
