what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
