He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
