She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize