In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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