my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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