He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
