Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
