I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
