Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
