So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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