he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
