it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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