are you so shy because you have an std?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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