I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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