The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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