grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
