Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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