Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
