Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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