I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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