my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
