you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
