life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
