Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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