I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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