he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize