My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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