If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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