I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
