then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
