did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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