He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
