coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
