I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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