"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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