lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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