evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
