his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
