I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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