We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
