he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
