What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
