i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
