Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
