i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
