i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry about my life...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
