I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
