and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
