Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
