I got chris browned last night
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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