I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize