i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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