Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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