I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
