I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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