i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have fence marks all over my body
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
