rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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