I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
