if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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