I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
