You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
