Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize