apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
