I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
