hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
