forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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