she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
