Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
