Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
