he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
