At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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