make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
