masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
