brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
worst night to have a conscience
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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