So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize