help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
