We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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