he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
