I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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