ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
