Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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