I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize