I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
