Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
