HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
